It’s that time again – welcome back to Petty Grievances.
This has been a week with plenty of big stuff to sweat. The anniversary of 9/11, the tragic death of four US officials in Libya, and the outraged demonstrations against the US in the Middle East are not trivial matters. On a more personal note, people all over the internet were rocked by the news that the Wash of the Wash & Tashi blog passed away from a rare form of brain cancer. All in all, it’s been a bad week in a lot of big ways.
But it’s been an aggravating week in a lot of small ways too.
Glenn Beck is Returning to Television
I know Dish Network has had issues lately, what with dropping AMC and all, but really? Is Glenn Beck really something that needs to be brought back into public consciousness? Why can’t we just let this absurd shock jock fade into obscurity already?
I just can’t imagine what dire straits television “news” and infotainment must be in that Glenn Beck is something that needs to be reintroduced, even on a third tier conservative start-up channel. This is a man who once poured gasoline on a guest while pretending to be President Obama and then lit a match while screaming nonsense. Yeah, no one was physically hurt, but that kind of incoherent melodramatic crap does not merit an audience. Honestly, if those are the antics that conservative audiences want, they should save their money and just ride the bus with the rest of us.
I’ll be honest here, I do hold a bit of a personal grudge against Glenn Beck. I waded through mountains of archaic political theories, read thousands of pages on ethnic and political conflict (per week) and endured a very stressful thesis defense in order to call myself a political scientist. Every time Glenn Beck to got up with a chalkboard and started drawing random shapes, there were people out there who thought that he was actually doing political science. It’s the equivalent of sticking two pencils together with gum and calling yourself an engineer – so, so not okay.
Dish Network, for f!@#’s sake…why are you doing this to us?!
Chris Brown Makes Another Terrible Decision
Even someone as out of touch with pop culture as I am knows that rapper Chris Brown is not the world’s greatest decision maker. This became abundantly clear after he brutally beat his girlfriend, R&B star Rihanna, and then flipped out after a Good Morning America interview where he was asked about the incident. Suffice it to say, impulse control is not the singer’s strong suit.
But a few days ago, Brown put the cherry on top of his cake of public image disasters when pictures of his latest tattoo began circulating. His neck now depicts a woman who appears to be bruised and stitched – not exactly the kind of body art that is a good idea on someone who has been convicted of felony assault. Not charged, not accused, convicted.
Brown and his tattoo artist have rebuffed the criticisms, claiming that the tattoo is a Dia des los Muertos tribute. That’s also not great, since Brown doesn’t have any apparent Mexican heritage.
Seriously though? With all the assistants, image consultants, producers, and public relations staff afforded to pop stars, not one person could have stepped in and said, “Uh, does that sugar skull look to anyone else like, I don’t know a severely beaten woman?” Or better yet, “Maybe…maybe pass on the disembodied lady skull?” This guy is worth millions. This is just ridiculous, offensive, and super easily avoided.
Well, at least Chris Brown’s mom will always be on his side.
Romney Can Afford A Better Campaign Than This
For f!@#’s sake.
I may not have access to Mitt Romney’s tax returns, but I’m still pretty sure the guy has a metric ton of money. He certainly has enough money to order a public image consultant. And holy hell, does he need one. In fact, Mitt, let me give you a free preview of the kinds of helpful tips a public image consultant could provide you for a modest fee:
- Don’t smirk through a speech about how much Obama sucks at foreign policy when the event in question killed people. Seriously.
- In fact, maybe don’t smirk at all. You’re already giving off kind of a spoiled rich kid vibe, which you definitely didn’t help by picking Draco Malfoy as a running mate. But you know, I digress, it’s too late to fix that so let’s move on.
- You can’t crack birther jokes, then go on Meet The Press and complain about how you’ve been demonized. Really? You think you’ve been demonized worse than Barack Obama? This is like talking about how poor you were all over again. You’ve GOT to stop pretending to be things you aren’t. Even conservatives are having to try extra hard to keep supporting you, and they hate the other guy.
- Speaking of that, get Ann out of here. We thought she was likable, but it turns out that we were just so used to watching you that we lowered the bar. She looks worse every time she opens her mouth – get her out of sight!
Honestly, Romney seems like he’s had less prep than a defendant charged with a Class E felony. How are facial expressions not covered in Running For Prez 101? Even Nixon got that down eventually! I’m no fan of money in politics, but as long as it is, can’t you buy yourself a halfway decent campaign? This is just hard to watch.
Sweat the Small Stuff
Sometimes, you just gotta sweat the small stuff because it keeps you afloat in a sea of annoyances. Keep your eyes rolling and your blood pressure high, there will probably be more petty grievances coming to you soon.